Best Computer Quotes! 90+ Funny Computer Quotes and Sayings
Best Computer Quotes
“Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.” —Pablo Picasso
“Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.” —John F. Kennedy
“Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.” —Steve Wozniak
“I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.” —Isaac Asimov
Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living.” —Nicholas Negroponte
“The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.” —Bill Gates
Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.” —Edsger Dijkstra
“Computers themselves, and software yet to be developed, will revolutionize the way we learn.” —Steve Jobs
“One of the most feared expressions in modern times is ‘The computer is down’.” —Norman Ralph Augustine
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.” —Paul R. Ehrlich
The digital revolution is far more significant than the invention of writing or even of printing.” —Douglas Engelbart
Access to computers and the Internet has become a basic need for education in our society.” —Kent Conrad
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” —Emo Philips
The internet could be a very positive step towards education, organization and participation in a meaningful society.” —Noam Chomsky
“Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.” —Clifford Stoll
“Our computers have become windows through which we can gaze upon a world that is virtually without horizons or boundaries.” —Joseph B. Wirthlin
“The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.” —Sydney J.Harris
The Internet is not just one thing, it’s a collection of things – of numerous communications networks that all speak the same digital language.” —James H. Clark
The good news about computers is that they do what you tell them to do. The bad news is that they do what you tell them to do.” —Ted Nelson
Funny Computer Quotes
“Hey! It compiles! Ship it!”
“Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity.”
“COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.”
User: What’s your computer doing on mine?”
“Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.”
“After Perl everything else is just assembly language.”
“Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.”
“SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.”
“Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail.”
Life is too short to remove USB safely.” —Unknown
“If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0”
“See daddy? All the keys are in alphabetical order now.”
“My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.”
The world is coming to an end… SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!”
“Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.”
“Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error.”
“The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back.”
Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.” —Rita Mae Brown
“To err is human… to really foul up require the root password.”
“If Python is executable pseudo code, then Perl is executable line noise.”
“Windows Vista: It’s like upgrading from Bill Clinton to George W. Bush.”
“If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.”
“Unix is user-friendly. It’s just very selective about who its friends are.”
“Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.”
“Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?”
“I can’t uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of ‘Uninstall Shield’.”
“Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.”
“Crap… Someone knocked over my recycle bin… There’s icons all over my desktop…”
I love my computer because all my friends live inside it.” —Unknown
I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.” —Unknown
Sleeping on my keyboard. If I answer, I’m talking in my sleep.” —Unknown
“If you don’t want to be replaced by a computer, don’t act like one.”
“I went to a gentleman’s cybercafe — and they offered me a ‘laptop dance’.”
“The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.”
The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.” —Unknown
Life is a pretty cheezy game, but at least it has good graphics.” —Unknown
“Helpdesk: There is an icon on your computer labeled “My Computer”. Double click on it.
“I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing.”
“Computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is.”
I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.” — Unknown
Why can’t cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.” —Unknown
Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, the Library.” —Unknown
If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net without high speed Internet.” —Unknown
“There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.”
“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.”
“If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.”
The only sure way to make a computer go faster is to throw it out the window.” —Unknown
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” —Emo Philips
“The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones.”
“I don’t care if you ARE getting a PhD in it! Get away from that damn computer and go find a woman!”
I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect’.” —Unknown
I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let’s speak later after I finish playing some computer games.” —Unknown
“Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn’t leave something that can be traced back to you.”
“You know you’re a geek when… You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary.”
“Computer games don’t affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.”
My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she’s right.” —Unknown
Computer Quotes and Sayings
“Computers have lots of memory but no imagination.” —Anonymous
“Computer science really involves the same mindset, particularly artificial intelligence.” —Frederick Lenz
“Computers do the calculating to allow people to transform the world.” —Conrad Wolfram
“Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.” —Anonymous
“The similarities between humans and computers are more numerous than the differences.” —P.A. Scott
“The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.” —Bill Gates
“To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.” —Bill Vaughan
“Computers are like old testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.” —Joseph Campbell
“Right now, computers, which are supposed to be our servant, are oppressing us.” —Jef Raskin
“The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.” —Anonymous
“Computers themselves, and software yet to be developed, will revolutionize the way we learn.” —Steve Jobs
“Computers are famous for being able to do complicated things starting from simple programs.” —Seth Lloyd
“Computers are great tools, but they need to be applied to the physical world.” —Tony Fadell
“Computers are hierarchical. We have a desktop and hierarchical files which have to mean everything.” —Ted Nelson
“Computers are finite machines; when given the same input, they always produce the same output.” —Greg Perry
“It’s hardware that makes a machine fast. It’s software that makes a fast machine slow.” —Craig Bruce
“It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.” —Clive James
“A computer is almost human except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.” —Anonymous
“There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.” —Anonymous
“Computer system analysis is like child-rearing; you can do grievous damage, but you cannot ensure success.” —Tom DeMarco
“Computers creating art is an upsetting concept mostly because of what it means about humans.” —Jonny Lee Miller
“The computer brings out the uptight perfectionist in us- we start editing ideas before we have them.” —Austin Kleon
“Bad economics teaches that computers can design markets. Good economics teaches that markets can design computers.” —Jakub Bożydar Wiśniewski
“The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.” —Wernher von Braun
“Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in this world that just don’t add up.” —Evan Esar
“It’s not computer literacy that we should be working on, but sort of human-literacy. Computers have to become human-literate.” —Nicholas P. Negroponte
“Computers are composed of nothing more than logic gates stretched out to the horizon in a vast numerical irrigation system.” —Stan Augarten
“It was one thing to use computers as a tool, quite another to let them do your thinking for you.” —Tom Clancy
“Computer assisted proofs are getting better and better and computers will play a bigger and bigger role in the future.” —Enrico Bombieri
“Computers are incredibly fast, accurate and stupid. Human beings are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant. Together they are powerful beyond imagination.” —Albert Einstein
“As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications.” —Dave Parnas
“Our computers have become windows through which we can gaze upon a world that is virtually without horizons or boundaries.” —Joseph B. Wirthlin
“A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.” —Joseph Weizenbaum
“A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.” —Mitch Ratcliffe
“Computers are heaven-sent when they work and hell-spawn when they don’t. There’s just not much middle ground when it comes to technology.” —Dani Harper
“The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.” —Sydney J. Harris
“The basis of computer work is predicated on the idea that only the brain makes decisions and only the index finger does the work.” —Brian Eno
“All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You’d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.” —Isaac Asimov
“The computer is incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid. Man is unbelievably slow, inaccurate, and brilliant. The marriage of the two is a force beyond calculation.” —Leo Cherne
“Computers were a kind of imagery in themselves, or might as well be to people who didn’t understand them, they were every bit as inscrutable.” —Orson Scott Card
“Our first computers were born not out of greed or ego, but in the revolutionary spirit of helping common people rise above the most powerful institutions.” —Steve Wozniak
“Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.” —Andy Rooney
“Computers are magnificent tools for the realization of our dreams, but no machine can replace the human spark of spirit, compassion, love, and understanding.” —Louis V. Gerstner, Jr.
“Computers no longer interface with humans they interact, and the interaction will become steadily deeper, more subtle, and more crucial to our collective sanity and ultimate survival.” —Alan Cooper
“If you don’t know anything about computers, just remember that they are machines that do exactly what you tell them but often surprise you in the result.” —Richard Dawkins
“The computer will not make a good manager out of a bad manager. It makes a good manager better faster and a bad manager worse faster.” —Edward M. Esber
“Computers are quiet and clean and totally distracting because the Internet is there, lying in wait for a moment of weakness to pounce on your creativity and progress.” —Arlaina Tibensky
“The computer takes up where psychoanalysis left off. It takes the ideas of a decentered self and makes it more concrete by modeling mind as a multiprocessing machine.” —Sherry Turkle
“The spread of computers and the Internet will put jobs in two categories. People who tell computers what to do, and people who are told by computers what to do.” —Marc Andreessen
“The new world will be a place of answers and no questions, because the only questions left will be answered by computers, because only computers will know what to ask.” —James Cameron