200 Funny Quotes about Love – Funny Love Quotes and Sayings
Funny Love Quotes
“Love is sharing your popcorn.” —Charles Schultz
“Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.”
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” —Carroll Bryant
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” —Albert Einstein
“Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.”
“A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.” —Charles Gordy
“Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.” —Fran Lebowitz
“Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.”
“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” —Cindy Garner
“Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” —Phyllis Schlafly
“Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.”
“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” —Woody Allen
“One cricket said to another – come, let us be ridiculous, and say, love.” —Conrad Aiken
“It is not loved that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.”
“I vow to never wear a flannel nightgown if you vow to never do a comb-over.”
“I don’t care how many people are in this world, I want you! End of story.”
“Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.”
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
“You can’t shine like a diamond if you are not willing to get cut like a diamond.” —Eric Thomas
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” —Dr. Seuss
“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you. —Megan Mullally
“There are three ways in life to become popular: be rich, be beautiful, or be funny.” —John Macks
“According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.”
“If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say “Now you’re super mad.” —If they laugh, marry them.”
Funny Love Quotes for Her
“Love you even when I’m really, really hungry.”
“Let’s flip a coin. Heads, I’m yours. Tails, you’re mine.”
“You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.”
“I always wake up smiling. I think it’s your fault.”
“Stick with the guy who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara.”
“I love you more than yesterday. Yesterday you got on my nerves.”
“Once in a while, something amazing comes along and here I am.”
“A friend is like a push-up bra, supportive, and close to the heart.”
“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” —Mark Twain
“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.” —Woodrow Wyatt
“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.” —Louis Hector Berlioz
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” —Groucho Marx
“He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.” —Ring Lardner
“You add meaning to my life and yet, you subtract some cash from my wallet.”
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.” —Sharon Stone
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” —Phyllis Diller
“Every girl deserves a guy that can make her smile even when she doesn’t want to.”
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” —Phyllis Diller
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”
“My heart skips a beat when I see others in love, but it gallops when I think of you.”
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” —David Sedaris
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” —Rita Rudner
“The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” —Samuel Taylor Coleridge
“When a boy gets jealous it’s kinda cute. But when a girl gets jealous, World War 3 is about to start.”
“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” —Agatha Christie
“So many reasons are there to love you. Your cute smile, your sweet laugh, your innocence, and your kind heart makes me love you.”
“I promise to love you, respect you, support you, and above all else, make sure I’m not just yelling at you because I’m hungry.”
“There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters… I could be their leader.” —Charles M. Schulz
Funny Love Quotes for him
“Love is sharing your popcorn.” —Charles Schultz
“I love you, even when you fart in your sleep.”
“Sincerest love is the love of food.” —George Bernard Shaw
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” —Albert Einstein
“I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.” —Chico Marx
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
“What’s more adorable than a baby panda snuggling a baby chick? Our love.”
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” —Joan Rivers
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” —Jackie Mason
“I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night.”
“I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.”
“A man’s job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other mont.”
“A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.” —Zsa Zsa Gabor
“I may look like a potato now, but one day I’ll turn into fries and you’ll want me then.”
“Every day I fall in love with you more and more. Except for yesterday… yesterday you were pretty annoying.”
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” —David Sedaris
“Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” —Jack Benny
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” —Joan Crawford
Funny Love Quotes to Make Him Smile
“I am yours. No refunds.”
“One text from you changes my mood.”
“Women love a self-confident bald man.” —Larry David
“I find pieces of you in every song I listen to.”
“The four most important words in any marriage, “I’ll do the dishes.”
“If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo, never let them go.”
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” —Chris Rock
“Sometimes your knight in shining armor turns out to be an idiot wrapped in tin foil.”
“A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.” —Zsa Zsa Gabor
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” —Charles M. Schulz
“One day I caught myself smiling without any reason, then I realized I was thinking of you.”
“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy? ―Albert Einstein
“Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let’s do it, let’s fall in love.”
“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” —Dr. Seuss
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” —Hussein Nishah
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much for it? – Jean Illsley Clarke
“You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps.” —Roseanne Barr
“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late, yet dear, I love your loads.”
“When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own.” —Lenore Coffee
“I want you to know something, but I don’t know how to tell it. So I’ll let the first three words of this explain it.”
“If someone who fell in love with you says that you are cute, pretty, funny, you should know that love is blind! and, I love you.”
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” —Albert Einstein
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” —Oprah Winfrey
“They say that you can fall in love only once; I do not believe it to be true, because every time I see you I fall in love with you all over again.”
Funny Love Quotes from Movies
“Here’s looking at you kid.” —Casablanca
“You had me at Hello.” —Jerry McGuire
“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.” —The Notebook
“I have crossed oceans of time to find you.” —Dracula
“She makes the bass drop in my heart.” —The Good Place
“Swoon. I’ll catch you.” —Count Laszlo de Almasy, The English Patient
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” —Natasha Leggero
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” —Lily Tomlin
“You make me want to be a better man.” —As Good As It Gets
“It’s like at that moment the whole universe existed just to bring us together.” —Serendipity
“No. I like it very much. Just as you are.” —Mark Darcy, Bridget Jones’s Diary
“I miss you, Jenny. If there’s anything you need I won’t be far away.” —Forrest Gump
“You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.” —Gone With The Wind
“It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.” —The Fault In Our Stars
“They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that’s true.” —Big Fish
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” —Christian, Moulin Rouge
“I will return. I will find you. Love you. Marry you. And live without shame.” —Robbie Turner, Atonement
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” —Mindy Kaling
“My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.” —Joan Rivers
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner
“Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.” —Sex and the City
“You would think that a rock star being married to a supermodel would be one of the greatest things in the world. It is.” —David Bowie
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” —Chelsea Handler
“It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other.” —Good Will Hunting
“Love is a passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end with?” —Meet Joe Black
“I could die right now, Clem. I’m just happy. I’ve never felt that before. I’m just exactly where I want to be.” —Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
“ I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love.” —The Vow
“A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” —Cher
“In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you.” —Juno
“She’s your lobster. Come on, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws.” —Phoebe, Friends
“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts, and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever.” —Noah from The Notebook
“Yes, to the untrained eye, I’m eating an orange. But to the eye that has brains, I’m making a point about marriage. For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin. Then the sweet, sweet innards.” —Homer, The Simpsons
“The only way you can beat my crazy was by doing something crazy yourself. Thank you. I love you. I knew it the minute I met you. I’m sorry it took so long for me to catch up. I just got stuck.” —The Silver Linings Playbook
“I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder.” —The Perks of Being a Wallflower
“What does she want with Josh anyway? He dresses funny, he listens to complain rock, he’s not even cute in a conventional way… I mean, he’s just like this slug that hangs around the house all the time! Ugh! And he’s a hideous dancer, couldn’t take him anywhere. Wait for a second, what am I stressing about, this is like, Josh. Okay, okay……so he’s kind of a Baldwin. What would he want with Ty, she couldn’t make him happy, Josh needs someone with imagination, someone to take care of him, someone to laugh at his jokes in case he ever makes any…then suddenly…Oh my god! I love Josh! I’m majorly, totally, butt crazy in love with Josh!” —Cher, Clueless
“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” —Harry, When Harry Met Sally
Funny Quotes and Sayings about Love
“Love is unselfishly choosing for another’s highest good.”
“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.” —Bob Hope
“In love, you have loosened yourself like seawater.” —Pablo Neruda
“Love is like a faucet, it turns off and on.”
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” —Natasha Leggero
“Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.” —Fulton J. Sheen
“The activity of love and faith is what makes heaven.” —Emanuel Swedenborg
“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” —Milton Berle
“Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.” —Fran Lebowitz
“Love is a game that two can play and both win.” —Eva Gabor
“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.”
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” —Lucille Ball
“Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.” —Jerome K Jerome
“The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.” —Israel Zangwill
“Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.” —Andre Breton
“Love is a state of mind which has nothing to do with the mind.” —Bob Phillips
“The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” —Woody Allen2
“A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.” —Zsa Zsa Gabor
“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.” —Melanie Griffith
“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” —W. Somerset Maugham
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”
“Love is like any other luxury. You have no right to it unless you can afford it.” —Anthony Trollope
“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.”
“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” —Erich Segal
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” —George Burns
“First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.” —Honore de Balzac
“You don’t love a man for what he says, but love what he says because you love him.” —Andre Maurois
You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” —Dr. Seuss
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” —Rita Rudner
“In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.” —Rowland
“To love is not to look at one another: it is to look, together, in the same direction.” —Antoine de Saint-Exupery
“It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.” —Laurence J. Peter
“I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.” —Henny Youngman
“To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.” —Jarod Kintz
“You can’t make someone love you, all you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.” —Caleb Followill
“Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.” —Helen Gurley Brown
“How sweet it is to love, and to be dissolved, and as it were to bathe myself in thy love.” —Thomas a Kempis
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” —Lemony Snicket
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” —Joan Crawford
“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” —David Bissonette
“A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.” —Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
“I’m in the mood for love, simply because you’re near me. Funny, but when you’re near me I’m in the mood for love.” —Dorothy Fields
“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.” —Jarod Kintz
“Don’t leave the one who loves you for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they like.” —Kyle Schmid
“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash.” —Jarod Kintz
“First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love.” —Maya Angelou
“What a silly thing love is! It is not half as useful as logic, for it does not prove anything and it is always telling one things that are not going to happen, and making one believe things that are not true.” —Oscar Wilde
“Love is like jumping out of an airplane knowing that someone else has packed your chute. You pull the cord hoping that a canopy opens up, but it could very well be packed full of dirty laundry and a half eaten cheese sandwich.” —Jared Turner